​KARMIEL USA

Tribute to Ruthy

by Livia Burghardt, June 9, 2021

It’s hard to even imagine a world, a dance circle or my life without Ruthy in it. Ruthy is and always will be very much alive in my heart. Shortly before Ruthy died, I felt a sudden need to see pictures of BlueStar…the cabins, the lake, the peaceful surroundings. It is almost 26 years to the day when I first met Ruthy there in 1995, during the first week of June and, by the second day of camp, she had become my best friend, confidante and surrogate mother. She is the one person in my life who has always been there for me, even in my darkest moments, and who has never let me down.  

 

The amazing thing is that I’m far from the only one to feel this way. Ruthy could come into a room with 50 people in it and, by the end of the evening, she would know everyone’s life story and would have formed a lasting connection with each of them - all while tearing up the dance floor! I don’t know anyone who has given so much to so many…with that boundless energy of hers and love for every living being…her fearlessness, exuberance and infectious love of life that draws everyone to her. She’s like the candle that lights everyone else’s candles. She fills up the room with her smile, her laugher, the sound of her voice, her amazing spirit and energy. When you talk, she really listens, really understands. And her hugs are the best. There has never been anything more valuable to me than any little bit of time I got to spend with her…in person, or remotely. I have never been able to say goodbye to her after a camp or a visit without breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably, and this is no exception. Ruthy would always tell me not to say ‘good-bye’ but ‘l’hitraot’!

 

Ruthy opened the door to the dance-world wide for me. Although I couldn’t afford it, I wanted nothing more than to follow her from dance camp to dance camp, and I often drove instead of flying to save money. Wherever I went, she would arrange for me to stay with friends of hers enroute. Today, I could probably travel the world by visiting just a handful of her friends. Her friends - are such a comfort to me right now. People reached out to me – people I don’t even know – who got my contact information from a friend of a friend, because Ruthy hadn’t been answering their messages and they were concerned. Ruthy’s death is by far the biggest loss that I’ve ever had to face, but people who met her only a few times are telling me that they are devastated – that’s how great Ruthy’s ability was to reach people and bond with them quickly.  

 

The first time I went on Ruthy’s dance tour to Israel, her sister, Ronit, gave me a beautiful book of poetry by Khalil Gibran. I remembered that he wrote about friendship, about sorrow and about death. Searching for any scrap of comfort, I found the words I vaguely remembered: ‘When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight’.  Ruthy was a sheer delight, and I am beyond grateful for all the years and the countless memories I treasure. Having her as my friend has been the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.  I don’t know how to begin to live in a world without her in it, except by trying my very best to live the way she did– unabashedly, unrestrainedly, whole-heartedly, fearlessly… (even though I’m really not good at it). Ruthy is such an incredible role model, and I want her to be proud of me.

 

Gibran also said: “Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.  And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.” Ruthy sang until she got so hoarse she lost her voice, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro even after the cancer reached her lungs, and was frustrated when, after days and nights of non-stop dancing, her feet were swollen hard as rock and too painful to stand on! Wherever Ruthy went, she was always looking for the dancing, and you could be sure she would find it.  She danced till practically her last breath,  and went to an out-of-town dance camp barely a month before she died. Heaven, for Ruthy, would be one big non-stop dance camp where she could reunite with loved ones and old friends, while making new ones every step of the way.  Heaven wouldn’t be heaven without dancing and, for sure, Ruthy would be leading it! I’d like to think that now she can sing without ever losing her voice, climb to her heart’s content, and dance all day and night without ever getting sore, because if every anyone deserved every happiness for all eternity, it’s Ruthy. I love you, Ruthy!

 

Livia